Day 13 - Love First: Dealing With Shame

Love First: Dealing With Shame

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.
John 8:6-9

Do you know the difference between guilt and shame? Guilt is looking at your sin and realizing what you've done. Shame is seeing yourself as a failure because of what you've done. Think about it for a minute. Have you ever felt guilty about something you've done? What did you do about it? Most likely, you apologized to whomever you felt you might have wronged and you tried to make restitution. And then what? You repented, paid a consequence, and moved on.

Shame, on the other hand, continues to look inside. Rather than allowing yourself to be forgiven, you hold on to your feelings of guilt until the perceived problem becomes you and not the sin. That’s a simplified explanation, but the fact is, shame is destructive and debilitating. Whether you are the one fighting the challenges that shame brings or you have a relationship (casual or intimate) with someone fighting the challenge of shame, change is necessary to move forward.

Think about this adulterous woman in today’s scripture reading. She wasn't just “caught” in the act of adultery—she was dragged in front of a group of men who were intent on making sure she was punished and humiliated in public. She knew what she was doing was wrong and knew the law stated that both the man and the woman caught in adultery were to be stoned. She fully expected to be stoned.

But Jesus, recognizing the looming trap the Pharisees thought they had hidden from him, turned the tables on the religious leaders and invited them—if they were without sin—to go ahead a cast a stone. Of course, they didn't. Jesus didn't just stop there. He did not condemn the woman. He told her to change her life. That’s the Love First response.

What do you think the woman did after that? The Scriptures don’t tell us. I really want to believe that she took the chance to change her life, repented for her sins, and lived a righteous life. We’ll have to wait to ask when we get to heaven if that’s what happened. Not only was the woman told to change, but the religious leaders were also told to change. Change is difficult, but necessary.

Love First calls for change.

Your Mission
Whenever you are critical of someone today, stop and apologize for being hurtful. Restate the issue in a loving and Christ-like way.